I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
