i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
