I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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