Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
