chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying