You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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