GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live