one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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