Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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