Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
