I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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