They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
