well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
