she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
