I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
one might say we're banned from that church
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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