i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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