So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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