Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?