Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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