I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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