eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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