hotel room ftw
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
