This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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