mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
