bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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