First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
