I wish I could teleport
he thought i was a dude.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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