no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
