I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
