morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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