i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
