so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
