great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
