I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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