What did we do last night that was yellow?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
