She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want her autograph on my taint
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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