This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to calm my uterus...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
