I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
