i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
