I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
