Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
