I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
