Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
