Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
not ubering you a puppy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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