she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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