I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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