I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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