Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
