alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
