No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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