i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
