I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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