Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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