Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
