Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
