how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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