I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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