I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
