The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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