I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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