My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
