Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
