Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize