You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
